but the penis mightier than the sword
Each year the mayor held a medieval re-enactment at Bamburgh castle.
A famous castle, directly on the coast at Northumberland, in North East England. The battle was set up at the front of the keep, towards the Neville Tower. If you looked out to sea, you could see Holy Island. Only accessible by road at low tide.
They usually invited a celebrity guest to start proceedings, as long as they were cheap.
Richard Simmons was doing it for the third year running.
All the men were standing around waving their swords about, trying to be the alpha.
About to get medieval on each other.
Grown ups pretending to be knights, cuirasses hanging out.
Testing to see who could be cuirrassier than the next guy.
I was always taught that actions speak louder than words.
At the start of the pretend battle, I stepped forward proudly.
With my hands on my hips, I dropped my trousers.
I stood fully proud in front of them all.
Everyone paused,even Richard Simmons.
I knew a blow with a word strikes deeper than a blow with a sword, but…
the penis mightier than the sword.
They put down their swords and refused to fight until I was removed.
Who’s the alpha now?
Richard saves the day
Richard took me aside.
“The PEN is mightier than the sword, Tim.”
“Put it away now.”
He leaned into me.
“What are you doing later?” Richard Said.
Actions do indeed speak louder than words. If you rush your reading and miss a single space you can be disgraced.
But it’s the actions I based on words I misread that were the problem.
For the want of a nail the kingdom is lost.
What was lost by missing a space?
Nothing : I got to meet Richard Simmons.
Perhaps I should have stayed with the wisdom of Solomon.